


Living a Lie

by ThePinkTeenager



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: As in everyone thinks Pidge is a boy, Autistic Pidge | Katie Holt, Bad Humor, False Identity, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Lonely Pidge | Katie Holt, Masking, Pidge | Katie Holt Speaks Fluent Nerd, Pidge | Katie Holt has Asperger’s Syndrome, Pidge | Katie Holt-centric, Post-Kerberos Mission, Pre-Season/Series 01, Vomiting, accidental misgendering, those two things aren’t actually related, why is that not a tag?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-13 07:07:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29772486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThePinkTeenager/pseuds/ThePinkTeenager
Summary: Pidge has some pretty nasty problems. Her dad and brother are gone, she constantly masks her Asperger’s Syndrome, she’s actually hiding a lot more than that(like the fact that she even has a dad), and her classmates think she’s a boy. Above all, she is lonely despite being surrounded by people. People who don’t know all sorts of things about her because she can’t tell them.Pidge’s real name isn’t even Pidge; it’s Katie. Those two should be the same person, but Katie had to hide so many aspects of her life to become Pidge that maybe they aren’t. Maybe Pidge is a disguise, a false identity constructed by the real Katie. But her entire Garrison life is built on what everyone thinks about Pidge. In a way, her life is centered around a lie.
Relationships: Hunk & Lance & Pidge | Katie Holt, Keith & Pidge | Katie Holt, Matt Holt & Pidge | Katie Holt, Pidge | Katie Holt & Green Lion
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9
Collections: 23 emotions, Fuck Yeah Autistic Characters





	1. I’m Not a Boy

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [23emotions](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/23emotions) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> Mal de Coucou
> 
> n. a phenomenon in which you have an active social life but very few close friends—people who you can trust, who you can be yourself with, who can help flush out the weird psychological toxins that tend to accumulate over time—which is a form of acute social malnutrition in which even if you devour an entire buffet of chitchat, you’ll still feel pangs of hunger.

“Hey Pidge,” said Lance, “are you ready for tomorrow’s flight simulation?” 

Pidge swallowed her dinner. “Ready as I’ll ever be.” she said. 

“I’m not.” said Hunk. “What if something breaks and we can’t fix it?” 

“We’ve got Pidge.” said Lance. “He can fix anything.” 

_He_. Lance called Pidge “he” again. It wasn’t just him, either. Pretty much the entire Garrison called Pidge a boy. It was annoying, but she didn’t correct them. She couldn’t risk them knowing who she really was. 

The group kept eating and talking about the upcoming simulation. They’d been in simulations before, but this one was supposedly harder. Pidge hadn’t seen it herself, but she’d heard stories from the older kids. Unfortunately, the Garrison changed the course every time, so there was no telling what you would face. 

When she was finished, Pidge got up and left. As much as she enjoyed her companions, it was hard to maintain her act. Pidge was not, by any definition of the word, normal, but she had to pretend she was. Lance and Hunk made it easier by providing a model for her to copy. Pidge was no actress, but she did a good enough job that nobody had voiced suspicion… that she knew of. 

She wished her brother was here. Matt _liked_ her quirkiness. The two of them used to have long discussions about tech, science, space travel, and different theories. Others were free to join them, but they had to “speak fluent nerd”, as Matt said. Matt also said that normalcy was overrated. 

But Matt was gone now, leaving Pidge alone in a sea of teenagers. 

* * *

**One and a Half Years Earlier**

Katie wrapped her arms around her brother. “Bye Matt.” she said. 

“Bye Katie.” said Matt, hugging his short sister. Then he bent over and whispered into her ear. “You remember the code, right?” 

“Of course.” Katie said. She was known for her excellent memory. 

Their dad walked over and slung his arm around Katie. “Be good to your mother, okay?” he asked. 

“Sure thing.” said the girl. 

“Good luck at the Garrison.” said Matt. 

“Good luck in outer space.” said his sister. She let go of him, knowing that he needed to leave. 

Katie looked at the departing crew. Her father and brother were going to Kerberos with Matt’s friend Shiro. Katie knew Shiro- he had spent many nights at her house for different reasons. Shiro was saying goodbye to his roommate/friend/boyfriend (Katie didn’t know much about their relationship) Adam and a boy named Keith.

Like Katie and her brother, Keith was a student at Galaxy Garrison. Actually, he was one of the best. He didn’t seem to have any family, but treated Shiro like an older brother. Sometimes, she’d show him a new program or gadget while he watched eagerly. Mostly he just kind of hung out by himself when he wasn’t in class or in a plane. 

Matt, his father, and Shiro left for the rocket. Katie turned to her mother; she had to get away before the rockets were fired up. Her mother understood and started walking toward the car. Keith and Adam apparently had the same idea; Katie saw the two heading for the parking lot. They managed to get in the car before Katie heard the rocket. Even through the windows, she had to cover her ears. Luckily she wasn’t the one driving. 

Without uncovering her ears, Katie watched the rocket take off. _Goodbye Dad and Matt_ , she thought. _See you in two years_.


	2. The Coding Prodigy

**Present Day**

Pidge turned a corner and headed down another hall. The small number of female students at the Garrison meant that there was only one girls’ shower block in the building. It tended to get crowded in the morning before class, so Pidge preferred to shower after dinner. Showering was much more awkward with twenty naked girls in the room. Of course, even that was better than showering in a room with twenty naked boys. 

Pidge walked into the shower block. A blonde girl was standing inside, wrapped in a towel. Pidge remembered that her name was Lucy. “You’re in the wrong place.” she said. “This is the girls’ shower block.” 

“Actually, I’m in the right place.” said Pidge. She casually took her shoes off and put them by the door. 

“You’re a girl?” Lucy asked. 

Pidge nodded. “Always have been.” she said. 

“Then why does everyone think you’re a boy?” asked Lucy. 

“I have no idea.” 

Pidge slipped behind a curtain and took her clothes off. She really had no clue why everyone thought she was a boy. Aside from cutting her hair and wearing androgynous clothing, she made no attempt to hide her gender. She’d even checked “female” on her health form… not that anyone except the nurse actually read that. It was on her application too, but again, nobody read that after you got in. She definitely didn’t have the voice of a boy her age, either. Maybe the other kids didn’t pay attention to that… or assumed she was a trans boy. At this point, it didn’t really matter. 

Pidge turned the shower on. Despite being an elite military school, the Garrison had hot water. Pidge had always liked water. Not for the first time, she wondered how long she could stay here before someone told her to get out. Once again, she didn’t test it due to concern for the environment and fear of punishment. 

The Garrison was pretty strict about discipline. Pidge had learned that the hard way several months ago. She didn’t need a reminder. 

Pidge dried off, threw a robe on, and headed to her dorm. The robe was standard Garrison issue and felt like wearing a rough towel. By now it was just another bothersome thing she had to deal with. Once in her dorm, she changed into her much more comfy pajamas and sat on her bed. 

It was too early to sleep, so Pidge opened her laptop. She went into the file tab and opened her latest program. Coding was a secret pleasure of hers; she often spent hours working on a project. She tried not to talk about her projects, but it was hard. Sometimes she let a sentence or two slip. So far, most of her slips had been harmless- a sentence here and there about some code she’d gotten from a teacher, classmate, or the Internet and then modified. She had managed to avoid mentioning her hacking skills. That was one secret she kept tightly guarded. 

This particular program needed debugging. Pidge could’ve sworn that 70% of programming either debugging or making sure the debugging had worked. Not that she minded that- it only got frustrating when multiple debugging attempts failed to fix a problem. Besides, debugging distracted her from how lonely she was. 

She shouldn’t _be_ lonely. Sure, her dad and brother were gone, but that had happened months ago. She still had her mother, grandparents, cousins, teachers, and acquaintances. Every day, she found herself in multiple conversations with classmates, teachers, and even janitors. She wasn’t a great conversationalist, but she was interesting enough that people kept talking to her. 

And yet, every day she went to bed lonely. It was as if she was a puzzle and one of the middle pieces had been taken out. She’d been trying to fill the space it left behind for months. Nothing and nobody filled it. In fact, the only person who’d ever managed to fill it was Matt. He had left over a year ago, and Pidge didn’t know if he was ever coming back. 

* * *

**One Year Earlier**

_A ship bound for Pluto’s moon Kerberos has crashed due to pilot error. Galaxy Garrison confirmed that all three crew members are dead._ The words haunted Katie hours after her mother turned the TV off. _Dad’s dead. Matt’s dead. Shiro’s dead._ Katie curled up in her bed and cried. _Wait… something doesn’t add up_. 

The reporter said the ship crashed because of “pilot error”. Shiro, whose full name was Takashi Shirogane, was the best fucking pilot in the entire Garrison. In fact, Katie’s dad had refused to go with any other pilot, despite concerns raised about Shiro’s medical issues. Sure, Shiro was still human and therefore could mess up, he wouldn’t just make some error and kill them. The ship was specifically designed to prevent crashes in the event of a mistake, anyway. Something was _definitely_ off, and if the Garrison wasn’t telling the truth, Katie would find it herself. 

Katie was disturbingly good at hacking for an eighth-grader. She would never use her skills for evil, of course, but she would use it for personal gain. This wasn’t just personal gain- if her dad and brother were alive, she could save them. First, she needed to hack into the Garrison’s computer systems. 

Galaxy Garrison was an elite international military organization. As such, its computer systems had numerous levels of security, some of which were protected by more security. After nabbing a password from an IT guy, Katie needed another password to open a file. That file only told her the computer where the Kerberos data was stored, which was unlocked via a fingerprint scan. She then had to copy a colonel’s fingerprint(thank God for high-definition 3D printers) and unlock the computer using the copied fingerprint and yet another password. Katie figured someone was being paid a hefty sum of money to come up with all these passwords. 

After a total of seven days, two stolen IDs, twelve passwords, and a copied fingerprint, Katie opened the Kerberos data log. Unfortunately, the information inside was encrypted. Katie ran it through a decryption program, which revealed the file’s contents. Even unencrypted, the sheer amount of technical jargon in the log effectively provided an extra layer of security. Luckily, Katie spoke fluent nerd. 

There was no mention anywhere of pilot error. 

For that, Katie used good old-fashioned Ctrl + F. First she tried “pilot error”, then “error”, then “pilot”, then “failure”. That revealed nothing. It seemed as though the flight had gone seamlessly all the way to Kerberos. Nothing went wrong in the landing either. Heck, there was even a record of the door opening to let the crew out. If they were opening a door, then they had to be okay after the landing. The cargo hold was opened as well- presumably they were getting their equipment. The door closed, and then… nothing. 

It was as if, after a flawless flight and landing, the crew had grabbed their equipment, stepped out of the ship, and vanished into thin air. In outer space, “vanished” typically meant “died”, but there was no indication whatsoever that they’d died. No equipment failure, no distress signals- nothing. Absolutely nothing. 

Katie had no idea what happened to her dad and brother, but she knew for a fact that the Garrison was lying. She decided to search again for secret codes, coordinates, _anything_ that might hint at what happened after the crew went outside. She heard footsteps outside the office. She should close the program and run, but her Asperger’s was telling her to finish the job, and she usually listened to it. Whether or not she _should_ listen to it was another matter. 

She really shouldn’t have listened to it this time. 

The door opened and a man stepped in. Katie was pretty sure he was on one of the IDs she’d stolen. “What are you doing here?” he asked. 

Lacking an alibi, Katie blurted out the truth. “I’m reading through the Kerberos data and not finding any mention whatsoever of ‘pilot error’!” she yelled. 

She should really stop listening to her Asperger’s. Then again, it had saved her in equally bad situations before. Best to keep it around. 

The man shoved his way past Katie and looked at the screen. Katie guessed he was either shocked or angry- most likely both. Then he grabbed Katie’s shirt and started dragging her to the headmaster’s office. Since it was the middle of the night, nobody was there. Katie wasn’t allowed to go back to her room- she had to sleep on the floor in the office. Not that she could sleep anyway under the circumstances. 

Once the headmaster arrived in the morning, it took all of two minutes for Katie to get expelled. Her mom was going to be really mad when she heard about this. The only good news was that Katie knew the truth about the Kerberos mission now. She was going to tell it to anyone who listened, and to heck with the Garrison if they tried to stop her. 


	3. Reckless Piloting

**Present Day**

Kerberos. The simulation was taking place on Kerberos. 

There was no way the Garrison knew about Pidge’s connection to this place. As far as they were concerned, one of Sam Holt’s children was dead and the other had long since been expelled from the Garrison. Pidge had protested the former claim, but nobody seemed to believe her. 

In all fairness, it must’ve been a wild claim to anyone who hadn’t actually read the data log or met the supposedly dead crew. Besides, this was the same crowd that apparently believed Pidge was a neurotypical boy who was raised by a single mom and _definitely did not_ hack into the Garrison’s computer files. Thankfully, they were training to be pilots rather than detectives. 

Pidge, Lance, and Hunk climbed into the ship and settled into their places. Lance made himself comfortable in the pilot’s seat, Pidge sat next to the dashboard, and Hunk plopped himself near the gearbox. 

“Your mission is to rescue a compromised space vessel.” said their instructor. 

_Well, that sounds familiar_ , thought Pidge. She waited until the door closed and the simulation began- thankfully the simulated rockets weren’t anywhere near as loud as real ones. 

Lance was being a rather cocky pilot. He made multiple hairpin turns and drastic changes in altitude. This did not go well with the ship’s instruments- or Hunk’s stomach. Pidge didn’t get nauseous easily, but Hunk was a different story. Pidge was sure he would puke if Lance didn’t stop. 

They were coming up to an icy bridgelike structure. “I’m gonna duck under this!” Lance announced. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, given our current mechanical and… gastrointestinal issues.” Pidge piped up. 

Lance ignored her and the ship went into a nosedive. Pidge felt the sharp drop and heard the distinctive sound of someone puking. Then she hit the floor with a violent collision. 

She felt her fingers tapping the back of her hand. She was stimming. Normally, she’d worry about getting caught in the act, but Hunk had just vomited and she’d been thrown against the floor. There was no way anyone else would notice her fingers. 

Besides, how many of the kids out there knew that Katie Holt used to tap her hand like that when she got nervous? How many of them even knew who Katie Holt _was_? 

_Is_ , Pidge reminded herself. _Katie Holt is still alive_. 

Lance’s bold move failed. The large red “Mission Failed” message- the Red Screen of Death, as the students called it- appeared on the front window. The three students stepped out and stood in front of their instructor and classmates. 

“Can anyone tell me what these three cadets did wrong?” asked the instructor. 

One kid raised his hand. “Uh, the engineer puked in the main gearbox.” he said. Not the first thing Pidge would’ve said, but it was kinda funny. 

“Correct.” said the instructor. “As you all know, vomit is not an approved lubricant for any of our ships.” So he could be funny after all. 

The other kids pointed out various mistakes before the instructor declared their biggest mistake to be lack of teamwork. Personally, Pudge would’ve attributed it to Lance’s reckless piloting, but she wasn’t going to protest. 

She did, however, protest his next statement. “Mistakes like these are what caused the Kerberos mission to crash.” he said. 

“That’s not true!” Pidge yelled. “There’s no evidence the Kerberos ship even crashed! It-“ 

Hunk slapped his hand over Pidge’s mouth. “I’m sorry, sir.” said the teen. “He hit his head during the simulation; he’s probably not thinking straight right now.” 

_I’m thinking straight, all right_ , thought Pidge. _Also, I’m still not a guy_. 

The instructor started lecturing Lance about something to do with Keith’s expulsion, but Pidge wasn’t listening. She was thinking about her father and brother. There was no way- they couldn’t be dead. 

If they were dead, then Pidge would be lonely forever. 

* * *

Pidge had no idea what Shiro was doing in an alien spacecraft with a prosthetic arm, but she didn’t really care. What mattered was the fact that he was alive. If he was alive, that meant her dad and Matt might be alive. It also meant she’d have evidence to disprove the Garrison’s false reports, but she could do that later. 

Right now, their priority was getting Shiro out of the ship. To do that, they needed to get the guards out of the way. A couple explosions took care of that at the expense of Pidge’s sensitive ears. 

“Keith!” Lance yelled. “That darn mullet-headed braggart’s tryin’ to one-up me!” 

Pidge didn’t really know what he was talking about. She was just grateful that Lance’s yelling, loud as it was, was still quieter than the explosions. 

The group ran towards Keith’s plane. Pidge figured he probably stole the plane, but it didn’t matter. What did matter was that the plane was loud and she’d stupidly left her earplugs in her dorm. All she could do was cover her ears and hope she didn’t trip. 

When they finally found the plane, Keith was trying to load Shiro onto it. Pidge walked up to him. 

“I know I’m short, but do you need any help?” she asked. 

Keith looked at her. Even Pidge could see the hint of recognition in his face. “Uh, could you grab his arm or something?” he asked. 

“Sure thing.” Pidge grabbed Shiro’s left arm- the one that hadn’t turned into metal- and helped the boys lift him onto the plane. 

“So uh, how do we get out?” asked Hunk. 

“I have an idea.” said Keith. 

It turned out that Keith’s idea was to pile all of them into his small plane and hope it could outfly the pissed-off aliens and Garrison personnel. Pidge was less upset about the tight squeeze then she was about the noise. Keith saw her covering her ears and clenching her jaw. 

“Want this?” he asked, holding a pair of headphones in one hand. 

Pidge grabbed it. “Thank you so much.” she said. She put the headphones on and tried not to panic. 

The plane didn’t crash, thank God. Instead, Keith landed it in the middle of the desert. Pidge thought that was a weird choice until Keith told her the whole story. 

Right around the time she’d gotten expelled for hacking into the Kerberos files, Keith had gotten expelled for punching an instructor. Unlike Pidge, he’d run away and live in a shack in the desert. Evidently he’d been chasing after some sort of energy. Pidge closed her eyes and felt a tiny shift in the world. That must be the energy Keith was looking for. 

“Didn’t you get lonely?” she asked. 

“Are you kidding?” said Lance. “Keith _never_ gets lonely.” 

“Shut up, Lance.” said Keith. 

Shiro groaned. “What’s going on?” he asked sleepily. The four teens rushed over to him and tried to explain what they know. The problem is that they didn’t know much. Shiro had amnesia and can’t tell them anything useful. 

Pidge wondered what the energy is and where it’s coming from. She wondered what Shiro’s been doing this time. Most of all, she wondered what happened to her dad and brother. _Where are they_ , she thought, _and how can I find them?_


	4. Pidge Unmasked

All issues pertaining to Kerberos, aliens, or the Garrison would have to wait. The teens were all too tired to actually do anything. Keith let Shiro climb into his bed- the guy was in pretty bad shape after the crash. The other three slept on the floor on spare blankets Keith found. Pidge wasn’t exactly thrilled about the idea of sleeping next to two of her classmates, but it certainly beat sleeping outside.

Pidge had never been a great sleeper. In fact, she often stayed up far too late working on some project. It turned out that Keith was equally bad at sleeping.

It wasn’t even dawn yet and they were both awake. Shiro was squirming and mumbling some panicked phrase, but he wasn’t responding to Keith. He must be having a nightmare or something. 

“Shiro,” said Keith, “It’s me, Keith.” He tightened his hold on the older man. 

“Got a problem?” asked Pidge. 

“Yeah.” said Keith. “Shiro’s having a nightmare.” 

Pidge thought it was unfair that Shiro was having nightmares when he couldn’t remember anything, but she didn’t make the rules. She sat next to the bed and ran a hand through Shiro’s hair. The guy was nearly a decade older than Pidge- it was unsettling to see him like this. 

Eventually, Shiro stopped mumbling. He was asleep now, but Pidge and Keith were still wide awake. Keith got up and gestured for Pidge to follow him. He probably didn’t want to disturb the still-sleeping Lance or Hunk. 

The desert was a bit chilly at night, but not freezing. The two teens leaned against the wall and looked at the night sky. Matt was up there somewhere. 

“Hey Pidge,” Keith said, “I have a question.” 

He must’ve learned her name during last night’s shenanigans. Her fake name, at least. 

“What is it?” asked Pidge. 

“Why’d you think I got lonely out here?” he asked. 

Pidge thought about that. “After Kerberos, I was lonely.” She said. “Even at the Garrison, surrounded by people, I felt like... something was missing.” 

“Kerberos?” asked Keith. “Did you know the crew or something?” 

Pidge realized he’d fallen for her disguise. She took off her glasses and tapped the back of her hand- a stim she knew Keith had seen more than once. “Remember me?” she said. 

Keith looked at her face, then her hands. “Katie Holt?” he asked. “Is that you?”

Pidge nodded. “I got expelled for hacking into the Kerberos data log.” she said. “Unlike you, I cut my hair, wrote a few fake records, and renamed myself ‘Pidge Gunderson’ to get back into the Garrison. It worked, but I’ve been... masking ever since.” 

“Masking?” Keith asked. “Like pretending to be neurotypical?” 

Pidge nodded, deciding not to question why Keith knew that. “Among other things.” she said. “I don’t know if you noticed, but most of the Garrison thinks I’m a boy. I never said that, but I guess cutting my hair, wearing androgynous clothes, and calling myself Pidge somehow makes me a boy.” Pidge shrugged. 

“People are weird.” said Keith. “Even the supposedly typical ones.” 

Pidge realized she’d never actually told Keith about her Asperger’s. Maybe Shiro or Matt told him, or he’d figured it out himself. Maybe he didn’t even know her diagnosis- just that she clearly had one. Keith himself could be autistic for all Pidge knew. That would be a conversation for later. 

“So,” she asked, “that energy you were talking about- where’s it coming from?” 

* * *

Pidge didn’t know what she expected to find, but it definitely wasn’t a huge, robotic, apparently sentient blue space lion. 

And yet, that was exactly what they found. At first, the lion was inanimate and surrounded by a force field of sorts, but the barrier went down when Lance approached it. Then, for some reason, they all piled inside and flew into outer space. Pidge was a pretty curious person, but this was a bit much. On the other hand, she couldn’t wait to examine the tech on this thing. 

As if that wasn’t insane enough, they also found two aliens. The aliens looked almost exactly like humans, but weren’t actually human. They explained that the space lion was one of five- wait, there’s more than one giant sentient lion-bot? Pidge pinched herself to make sure she wasn’t dreaming. She’d probably feel the pain even if she was actually dreaming, so it was kinda pointless. Who cared, anyway; there were aliens in the room. 

The female alien- her name was Allura- was explaining things. Apparently the lions were the most powerful weapons in the universe. Pidge hadn’t seen one in battle yet, but she knew it was powerful. Five people were chosen to command them and- wait, did Allura say “save the universe”? 

Pidge looked around the room. Lance had failed a simulated rescue mission yesterday. Hunk couldn’t fly a plane to save his life(though he was a good engineer). Keith was a great pilot, but dangerously impulsive. Pidge herself wasn’t old enough to drive a car, let alone operate a robotic space lion. Only Shiro was even remotely qualified to save the universe, and the crash had destroyed a bunch of his memories. Why the hell had the lions chosen them of all people? 

Allura figured out who would pilot which lion based on the lion’s preferred traits. _So... the lions can detect our personalities and make decisions based on that information?_ That was weird, but not weird enough that Pidge declared it a hoax. She’d bonded with robots before; this would be similar, except that the robot was huge and dangerous. 

Pidge was getting the green lion. Since Shiro’s lion was inaccessible, he went with her to get it. The lion was in the middle of a jungle planet. Pidge didn’t like jungles, but at least this one was peaceful. A local alien gave them a ride on a boat.

“Hey Shiro,” said Pidge, “do you remember a guy named Matt Holt?” 

“Yeah.” said Shiro. “He was a friend of mine back at the Garrison.” He paused, looking at Pidge. “You look like him. I’d ask if you were his brother, but he didn’t have one.” 

So he didn’t know who she really was. Pidge wondered whether or not she should tell him. She decided not to because the guy had to handle more than enough weird issues as it was. But she would do it soon. 

Now that she was no longer at the Garrison, she didn’t need a fake name. Of course, she had no idea how the others would react to that information, so she was hesitant to tell them. Once she trusted all of them, she would finally take off her metaphorical mask. 


	5. The Green Lion

Getting the lion was easy enough; Pidge just had to go into a the temple where it was staying. Like the blue lion did with Lance, the green lion lowered its barrier to let Pidge inside. It was smaller than the blue lion, but still huge.

Pidge went inside. The cockpit was pretty similar to the blue lion, but somewhat smaller and green. There was a lot of tech that Pidge couldn’t wait to examine. Part of her wanted to get a screwdriver and take apart everything in the cockpit. Of course, that was probably a terrible idea. 

Pidge was not prepared for what happened next. 

_It’s okay if you do that._ The thoughts seemed to enter her brain without any voice or speech. _Just put everything back together._

Pidge looked up in surprise. “Who just said that?” she asked. “Am I going crazy?” 

_Not crazy._ The thoughts came back. They were distinct from Pidge’s own thoughts. _I am the Green Lion and you are my Paladin. We can communicate like this._

This must be what Lance was talking about when he said the lion was feeding him ideas or whatever. “O-kay.” Pidge said. She’d talked to robots more times than she’d liked to admit, but none ever talked _back_ unless she programmed them to. She should probably confirm with the Alteans or Shiro that she was still sane. 

Somewhat surprisingly, she was. Apparently the lions had been designed to communicate telepathically with their paladins. The level of AI required for something like that must be insane. Pidge was definitely taking apart Green’s equipment when she had the time. 

Right now she didn’t have the time. Keith and Shiro didn’t have their lions, either. Everything else would have to wait until the lions were found. 

* * *

Once all five lions were found, Allura put their paladins through rigorous training. The alarm test was pretty bad, but Pidge could handle being attacked by the Castle’s defenses, piloting while blindfolded, and fighting drones in the training room. What she couldn’t handle was the mind meld. 

Coran had the five paladins sit in a room and put on weird headsets. “The Paladins of Voltron must have open minds and no secrets between them.” he said. 

_Well, I’m screwed_ , Pidge thought. She was still keeping a massive secret from everyone except Keith. 

Surprisingly, it wasn’t Pidge that ruined the first attempt- it was Hunk. He did it by getting into Pidge’s head when she didn’t want her to, though. The second time, Pidge messed up the meld and everyone else got annoyed. She’d have to do a better job next time. 

* * *

Allura finally got the paladins to work together- against her because they were mad about training, but whatever. Pidge had gotten her share of enjoyment from the resulting food fight. The stuff was hardly worthy of being called “food”, anyway. It was a disgusting mush. 

Since four of the paladins had utterly failed the blind-dive task earlier, Allura told them to bond with their lions. Pidge had never been great at bonding unless it was over a shared theory or coding problem. She had no idea how she was supposed to bond with a sentient robot. 

Pidge walked up to Green and petted her snout. “Hey Green.” she said. “Sorry about what happened earlier- I couldn’t see anything.” 

_It’s okay, Katie_ , said Green. She wasn’t actually speaking, but Pidge felt like someone was talking to her. _That wasn’t even a hard crash._

Pidge raised her eyebrows. “Did you just call me Katie?” she asked. 

_Yes_ , said Green. _That is your name, is it not?_

“It is.” said Pidge, “but no one’s called me that in a long time. How’d you know about it?”

_You were talking to yourself during training._

Shucks, Green was right. “Okay, fine,” she said, “you got me. My real name is Katie Holt, but I used the name Pidge so that the Garrison wouldn’t know I was the girl who get expelled for hacking into the system.” Pidge really didn’t see the point in explaining all this to a robotic space lion, but here she was. 

_You are a good hacker_ , said Green. 

“Thanks... I guess?” It was a weird compliment. “Hey, can I come in?” 

Green opened her mouth. 

“Thanks.” Pidge crawled in. Bonding was great and all, but she wanted to check out the tech. Green probably had a bunch of hidden features for Pidge to find, and she could code even more. Green made no objections to Pidge’s actions. In fact, she... well, if she was human, Pidge would’ve said she enjoyed it. As it was, Pidge wasn’t sure what to make of the messages being sent to her mind. 

After five hours of taking apart the dashboard and examining each of its components, Pidge felt closer with Green than she had felt with anyone she’d interacted with in the past year. Maybe Allura had the right idea after all. 

* * *

Bonding with their lions was only half the battle. The paladins also had to bond with each other. This meant more mind melds, which Pidge did _not_ want to do. Neither did Keith- in fact, he was arguing with Shiro over its necessity. Unfortunately for him and Pidge, it had to be done. 

“All right Paladins.” said Allura. “Let’s gwt started. Imagine something or someone that brings you joy.” 

“Didn’t we already do this?” asked Keith. 

“Well, yeah, but that was a different exercise.” answered Allura. 

Pidge thought of coding, then looked around the room to see what everyone’s headband showed. Shiro was thinking of somewhere in Japan, Lance was thinking of people(probably family members), and Hunk was thinking about food. Keith struggled for a but, then thought of Shiro. Pretty much the same stuff as last time. 

“Now think of a specific event linked to that thing.” said Allura. 

Pidge’s mind went to her first ever coding project. She was only seven when Matt sat her in front of a computer, saying he wanted to “show her something”. It was a simple school project, but she wanted to try it so badly that he’d made a copy for her to mess with. After three hours, it looked like a cartoon somebody made while high, but Matt praised her for it. 

“So that’s why you were asking about Matt.” said Shiro. 

Shit. The entire team just saw that memory. “Yeah,” she said, trying to act casual, “Matt and I met when I was little.” 

Nobody asked any questions. 

Pidge looked around at the other memories. Shiro himself was remembering moving into a new apartment back in Japan. Lance’s headband showed his sister’s quinceñera(Pidge only recognized it because Lance had told her about it previously). Hunk’s memory was learning to cook some sort of casserole with his mom. Keith’s was flying a plane alongside Shiro. 

“That’s a good start.” said Allura. “Now pick a different person or object and focus on another memory associated with it.” 

Naturally, Pidge chose Matt. They already knew she knew him, anyway. Hunk focused on his mom. Lance focused on the room, which was apparently also used for family movie nights. Keith focused on the plane and showed them various flights above the desert. Shiro focused on a box with his toys inside it. Pidge had never even considered that Shiro once played with toys. 

After ten minutes, Pidge felt closer to them than she had to anyone at the Garrison. They had barely even talked- all they did was look at each other’s memories. The memories themselves were light and innocent, but they were genuine. She saw a part of Shiro and Keith that she didn’t even know existed.

Speaking of Keith, he was closing off his memories from the others. That was fine; after all, Pidge had yet to tell them that she was a girl. But she would tell them eventually.

Eventually, they would tell her things. Shiro would tell her about Japanese holidays, Lank would tell her about Cuban holidays, and Hunk would tell her about... food holidays? Something like that. Maybe Keith would someday tell her about his foster homes or how he met Shiro. Okay, that was a bit of a stretch, but one could always hope. 

Pidge felt hopeful now. The empty space inside her was getting smaller. At this rate, it was only a matter of time before it closed completely. She would still look for her dad and Matt, of course, but at least she didn’t have to be lonely anymore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone speaks Spanish, please let me know how to spell quinceñera (like the party).


End file.
